Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Grow up

When life sucks, isn't it hard to look at the good that will come out of it in the end? And why is it so hard to give it all to God? The best life for me comes from God. Believing that every day is my biggest down fall.

In the month of January we had a seiries at church that really made me think twice about my life. The title was "GROW UP" Sounds brutle, and it was.

They spoke about how God wants submission and obedience before he wants our friendship. John 15:14. When I looked at my life after thoughs messages, I faced the lie and admitted that I didn't obey God in everything. I couldn't even give the friendship to God that I wanted with Him. I knew at that point that I had to quit my bad habits. I needed to be rescued. And there was only one way.

I feel so thankful that I have made time seek God every day. I am making the comitment to quit smoking and to throw all my self pitty away and let God take the pain away.

This brings me back to my situation of dealing with the loss that Sheldon and I can't have any more children. It took me 7 years to finaly give it to God. My marriage went through the wringer and I lost all my sanity. I couldn't beleive that anything good could come out of this. Because of that, I refused to hand it all over. I was waiting for God to give me a child. In my mind that would be the only good that could ever come out of this. I wanted the Blessing and I never looked at the realationship that I could have created with God at that time. I thought it was funny when our pastor said that some of us are more in love with God's Blessing then we are in love with Him. It's not really that funny, because it was so true in my life. It seems so rediculas to look at now, Why couldn't I just give it up. "Grow up"

I am so amazed at how strong God is and how our friendship has grown. He has given me the strenght to face every day. I now know that I need His strenght every moment of every day. I feel so much peace and joy in my fight to quit smoking, and I feel like I have learnt so much more. I have gained self control, I'm learning how to love myself and respect my body. I never feel alone. I am always in the presence of the Lord and He will help me through every moment.

I knew that I had to submit myself to God but I don't think I ever knew to what extent God wanted my comitment.


Louise said...

God is good! I love to hear everyones individual testimony at the work God is doing in their lives, I want you to know I am here for you and I will ALWAYS be!!!
This post reminded me of a song and the part of the chorus says " in YOUR freedom I WILL live, in YOUR freedom I WILL live, I offer devotion, I offer devotion." afterall isn't that all we have to give, complete and utter devotion and surrender of our lives to Him..Powerful stuff. You go girl, I am pumped to hear about your walk!! Love you much!

Anonymous said...

I second that, Louise always has the perfect words!
You are so right in your comments on the tribute to Louise she is so gifted in so many ways. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such loving friends and sister-in-laws and it is so good to know that I can come to you and be loved and supported.
I was so challenged by your words Candy and am so pumped for you too as Louise says. I'll continue to pray for you guys in all you do and as you keep opening up "the can of worms" scary but so worth it! A favorite Psalm for me is Psalm 121, We love you guys! Happy Valentines DaY!

candypb said...

Thank you girls for your comments. I love to hear that I'm not alone in life and that I have you guys to count on.
Like I told Louise before, The song that she spoke about in her commentis the song that I use as an encougrament day to day. That song is bring the truth out in my life and the life I want to pursue.
Love you tonns.

Lena said...

That was a good message series- I learned tons from it.
You don't know me I think... My name is Lena. We have several things in common. We both live in kleefeld area, go to southland- and have some friends in common.
I really enjoy your blog and some of the things you have to say... I really relate to some of the things you have gone through.
Keep writing- and God bless!!